Thursday, May 27, 2004

I can't seem to make myself do anything today. I feel so tired.

Yesterday, a gigantic black homeless guy was prancing around right in front of our place. It wasn't one of our regulars, either- a totally new guy.

First, he did a little hop-step while running a comb through his hair- it looked like a dance move from Grease.

Then, as a car drove by, he pranced again and did a Joker wave- that is, the only way I can describe it is to say that it was exactly the way Jack Nicholson (playing the Joker) waves in Batman. Remember the scene in front of city hall when the Joker kills his rival crime boss with a quill pen? Well, when he rides away in his limo, he gives Bruce Wayne a foppish little wave. THAT'S the wave.

Anyhow, after the wave, he turns to see Owen and I playing with Owen's trike. "Hello MAMA!" He shouts, as I groan inwardly and hope against hope that someone is watching through their window in case he tries to rob or stab me.

I've found that most homeless are pretty benign and friendly, but you never know. A gal I worked with on the campaign got stuck up with a knife by a homeless lady and forced to take money from the ATM for her.

Plus, the entire time he was talking to me he kept grabbing me with both hands around the waist- and this guy could've easily snapped me in half.

Luckily, he was so high he wasn't anywhere on the planet- completely incapable of thinking about anything. He did tell me I was very "well-groomed" though.

Then he started making jokes about riding Owen's trike. "Nah, I'd probl'y break it!!!" Hysterical laughter.

Finally took his cart and moved on.

Hopefully for good- I don't like new homeless in the 'hood.

I remember one time I told Kyle I wasn't going to get the laundry at night anymore because my neighbors all told me that one of the homeless guys had been staring at me for like half an hour one day while I was watering the lawn.

But when Kyle found out who it was, he was utterly dismissive. "THAT guy????? He's old school. I'm not worried about that guy."


Nathan said...

classic Ford...

Dave said...

I don't get Kyle.

I remember one time I came out to visit and a huge ass old Cadillac, manned by Oldie McAlmost-Dead and his wife Rotting LeCorpse, backed into the car as we were sitting in it. Instinctivley, I raised my and flipped Oldie off. Kyle then proceeded to pull my arm down and straight faced say, "Dude, don't do that here. You could get shot."

I remember being completely awed by that entire scenario.

Fast forward to present day and a homeless man is either thinking about how nice the water would feel or how many ways he could cut up your body and he's all, "Meh, homeless."

Ford picks his battles, and picks them well.