Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Dear older hippie-ish lady driving beat-up nasty blue Honda, CA plates, 4AHW300:

Did you really think I wouldn't notice that you slammed into my rear bumper and scratched it all to hell in your desperation to get to a left turn lane clearly blocked by traffic?

You obviously knew you hit me, you whore!

I am the first to admit that my van is a piece of crap, but you could have at least shown the slightest concern- even a lame "I'm sorry" wave would have been better than driving away as if it never happened.

You are a disgusting person.

Sincerely,
Sarah Ford

Dear older straight-laced gentleman in suit driving a Buick LeSabre, CA plates ECY???:

Next time you hit someone's parked car and DRIVE AWAY WITHOUT A SECOND GLANCE, you might want to make sure they're not out in their front yard playing with their kids and making a mental note of your height and build to describe you to their mob connections.

Okay, I don't have mob connections. But IF I DID YOU WOULD BE SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES.

Thanks for looking at me in a frightened way in your rearview as you drove by, hoping it wasn't actually my car even though you were beginning to suspect otherwise. It was really a good substitute for a simple "Gee, I'm sorry. Here's my phone number in case of damages."

You are a disgusting person.

Sincerely,
Sarah Ford

Dear man I backed into at the bank last week:

Thank you for calling to note that everything is fine and that there is no damage to your car.

You were so kind and sweet on the phone, reassuring me that it was a simple accident and you don't plan on pressing charges. Which was that much easier for you since YOU HAD MY PHONE NUMBER, which I left on your car with a printed apology.

Which really was not that hard for me to do. It only took a second. And it was, of course, the right thing to do, as there was a chance I had damaged your property through my own negligence.

Thank God at least I can look myself in the eye.

Sincerely,
Sarah Ford



3 comments:

Dave said...

Wait? Did you write that post or did I? I think Sarah and I might be the same person...

...which only makes my relationship with Kyle even more weird.

Britt said...

people suck. seriously.

Mike said...

HAHAHAHA LA is full of fucked up people! I will totally fit it there! ;) And I can look at myself in the mirror. However, I do love the bitter ass letters you have wrote!