Wednesday, September 22, 2004

I've been thinking lately about what I'm going to do when the boys start school full-time. Sure, that's a long way off, but if I go back to teaching, I have to take a couple of classes within the next year or so to keep my certificate current.

I'm just not sure that I want to get a job at all when they start school. Like Adrienne, I've always been able to keep busy at home. And it's not just because I have kids. Before I got pregnant with Owen, I was unemployed for nearly five months (well, technically, I had the teaching job at Lakewood, but I got it in May and it didn't start til September) and I never had cause for complaint.

Now that I have two kids, I really can't complain of boredom. And when they start school there will still be so much to do between shopping for and cooking meals, taking them to activities and picking them up afterwards, attending school functions and programs- not to mention holidays, half-days, teacher's institutes and endless sick days that I would have to worry about taking off work for.

And it's not like the house will clean itself and the laundry will get done and the lawn watered just because the kids are in school. All those things I do now still have to be done (and you'd better believe Kyle isn't going to do any of them). It's just a question of whether or not I want to put in a full day before I do all those chores.

I mean, come on, it's a no brainer. Why would I want to work 40 hours a week- PLUS another 25 (unfortunately teachers bring a good deal of work home with them), and then on top of that be a full time maid to three people and a dog?

Obviously it is better for me to stay home. And really, it's better for the whole family. It's definitely good for Kyle and I's marriage- I know that if I went back to work and then had to do all the childcare/housework on top of that I would be bitter at him and we'd fight all the time because he wouldn't help out as much. I think it's good for the kids too, because if they're sick I won't feel resentful of them making me miss work, and I will be able to attend all their special school programs or activities. On top of all that, I will be able to cook halfway decent healthy foods like I do now rather than order out greasy fried food every night like when I was teaching.

I know all this makes sense, but I still feel nervous about that decision. I really feel that people will look down on me or think I am lazy, or just in some way think that I ought to be working simply because I could. Yes, I could. It's just that my life would SUCK.

Dude, the life of a working mom truly sucks, unless she makes a lot of money and can pay someone to do mom things for her. A teaching salary ain't gonna cut it. The only other time it seems to work really well is if there's a grandparent around who can watch the kids for free.

I guess I should just do what I think is best and screw what everyone thinks, but that's always easier said than done.


Unknown said...

I admire you and Kyle both for doing what you felt was right and not buying into the American philosophy that you have to have IT ALL. Is it worth having huge new cars, and big houses if you never get to see the kids and your marriage is in shambles? Do what you feel is right, maybe when the kids are older and can help around the house it might be the right time. Or maybe someday you'll decide you want to do something else career wise.

On a side note I was a house fiance for a couple of months and I loved it. I don't think I ever got bored. I'd go back to it in a second if Bryan made the big time. :)

B said...

it's nice that you're thinking about what would be best for the kids and for kyle, but connie's right--do what's best for you, too. i think that the job of mom and wife is not only an important one but a respectable one, too--and if you want to and you think you would be happiest devoting your time and energy towards that, i think that's awesome!