We took the kids- and Dave and Connie- to the L.A. Zoo for some animal action.
All was going well with quiet, happy kids until I got the bright idea to put sunblock on everyone.
Owen and Stewart promptly rubbed about a gallon of it into their eyes and screamed bloody murder for the next half hour.
Finally we put them both in the stroller, screaming and slobbering, and they fell asleep, though not before a long period during which they'd both scream if you looked at them or spoke to them.
For the next hour, the four of us shuffled around looking half-heartedly at crocs, birds and monkeys while the boys slept.
It's not that I don't like the zoo, it's just that the zoo is something you want to share with your kids, not have them sleep through.
Now, if we were shopping and I were trying on clothes, sleeping would be wonderful. I should be so lucky.
They woke up for the elephants, and then we went to lunch.
Stewart screamed his way through the meal and Owen just smeared PB & J on everything- he at least seemed to have regained his dignity.
At this point, Dave and Connie clearly couldn't take anymore. They politely took their leave and wandered toward the exit under the pretense of doing "laundry"- I actually believe they would have flown to Venus if it would have gotten them away from us.
However, after lunch things were much smoother. Stew was still tired and seemed to have a cold or allergies so he slept for a good long while, and Owen walked around with us and looked at all the animals.
He liked watching the crocs eat and the "Arabian" antelopes, which wag their tails like dogs but have gigantic horns.
However, as usual, he was far more interested in finding every sewer grate, pipe, and manhole in the park and enthusiastically pointed each one out.
He also shouted "baby!" at each and every stroller that went by and believe me when I say that that was a lot of strollers.
At last we straggled back to the car and went home, where we had a philosophical discussion about memories.
The question was: Was it worth it to struggle through that horrifying day for the sake of a few pictures that make it look like we actually had fun?
The answer: Yes. After a few years have gone by, our photos will become our memories. We can choose to edit out the bad ones (I probably won't, they're too funny) in which case all we will remember is our fun day at the zoo. Or we can keep them all, bad and good, and remember the hour of gut-wrenching sobs that accompanied one of our first family trips. Either way, at least we have a memory, and if we'd sat at home on our butts all we'd have is extra-large asses, like Mike Anaya.
SEE THE DAY IN PHOTOS
HA! Actually, we did have to do laundry. What you saw us in yesterday was the last collection of decent outfits Connie and I had.
I think after that first half hour, we were rage-numb. Plus it was a good Ford-locator when we wandered off. Stewart has quite the unique sound.
Final thoughts on the L.A. Zoo:
1.) The construction was kind of a pain. Was it just us, or was that final hike back to the car like 12 miles long?
2.) Everything seemed to be in upgrade mode and I felt bad watching the animals lay around in some pretty desolate environments.
3.) It was in the Valley. Or Valsconsin as I will now refer to it.
4.) We were all far more interested in the constant parade of trashy people shuffling through there. Is it sad that I felt a little bad for Frito? I just pictured him struggling through school, never getting a real job and finally marrying an abusive woman just because she was the only one that showed interest.
5.) I figured that the zoo should charge $1 per stroller that people bring to the zoo and donate every dollar straight to the funding of the zoo. That's EASILY $2,000 on a non-holiday weekend.
6.) The $10/per adult ticket price was very agreeable. The food for lunch was priced about the same as a decent place to eat. Overall, it was a good, cheap day.
I do want to go back again after they've finished tearing the hell out of the place, and definitely in some months that aren't as hot so the animals are at least doing something.
What Dave says is true, once I put the clothes I wore to the zoo in the laundry, I was officially out of underwear. I liked the zoo but the construction did suck. Plus the heat just took it out of me and I was pretty wiped for the rest of the day which was not helped by the raging headache I developed. I do not do well in heat, it usually makes me pretty sick so I figue I did pretty well for the day.
Aaaand, after being in the sun all that time without sunblock, I got ZERO color for my farmer's tan. See Sarah's pics for reference.
HMMMMMM, Sorry I was in ny city for the week end doing the artist thing! So I had not time to check your piece o shit blog. I should ahve known while I was gone you would take some cheap shot at me!!! MY ASS IS HARDLY FAT! I did notice in your pictures that there is only one pic of you and it is from your back(your better side) I thank you for sparing all of us from you fat gut and saggy breast, which I am sure are dried up now!
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