Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Top Ten Truths About Pregnancy

1. That whole nine months thing is a myth. The entire pregnancy is really 10 months (40 weeks divided by 4 = 10 months), and the last month feels like two.

2. Your body will never be the same. Your bladder will never hold urine the way it did, your stomache will never be flat again and by the time your elephant-like ankles finally stop swelling your foot will have grown at least one shoe size.

3. You will be able to smell like a bloodhound-literally. When I was pregnant I could pinpoint the exact location of all the dog pee in the neighborhood. Now I know there's a reason that humans don't ordinarily have this skill- it's DISGUSTING.

4. It's true that your face will glow. This merely highlights the pimples and dark spots you will get from all the damn hormones.

5. Morning sickness (AKA mourning sickness) lasts all day not just in the morning. Don't worry, that goes away after only three extremely long months.

6. Your body temperature will rise so much that you will actually look forward menopause hotflashes.

7. Say good-bye to your sex drive and your happy marriage- it'll be at least two years before your life is back to "normal."

8. You REALLY won't be able to stop peeing.

9. That baby weight does not just "fall off!"

10. It's not over until you've given birth, and whether you have a C-section or a natural birth, there's just NO easy way for that little bugger to come out.

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