Three

Last weekend, Life Magazine ran an article called The New Baby Boom about the trend of families having three or more children.

The author (Sabrina Ruben Erdely) writes that although the American family has been shrinking for the past thirty years, many in the baby-care field have noticed an increase in families having three or four kids rather than the traditional two.

She discusses many reasons for this, including fertility drugs that lead to multiple births, more moms staying home, and the desire to finally get that boy or girl after having two of the same sex.

But I think the reason that resonated most with me is contained in a quote from the article saying that having the third baby is truly relaxed and enjoyable. Here's the part I liked, verbatim: "With your first, you're so apprehensive. With the second, you're worried about whether the older one will accept the younger. And then with the third, you know it's all going to work. So maybe it's that: People are having a third because they're enjoying it."

I think that for Kyle and I, this is the main reason we decided to go for number three. We know it's going to be hard, that we'll be up at night, up early in the morning, tired, cranky, and sex deprived. But I think that after two kids, we've finally learned how to discuss our needs and find a way to make sure each of us gets those needs met, whether I need extra time at the gym or he needs to sleep in on Saturday.

Right now, my C-section is scheduled for June 1, and I'm not sweating the details. The surgery is always a concern, and of course I'm praying for a healthy baby, but that's about all I'm worried about for now. I'm just so excited to meet this new little guy, to look into his eyes, to find out what his personality is all about. I really can't wait.

Compare that to what I felt when I was having Owen, which was a general trepidation of the unknown, or what I felt when I was pregnant with Stewart, which was intense guilt over how his arrival would affect Owen, combined with worry that I wouldn't love him as much (didn't turn out to be a problem:).

When Marylou surprised me with a baby shower in April, I nearly cried because it was so much fun to experience this pregnancy as a truly joyful time and to really celebrate the miracle of bringing a baby into the world, rather than feeling so anxious about it.

This was my first baby shower. It took three kids and six years in L.A. to finally have enough friends to throw me one (I'm not complaining- I got UPS packages from caring relatives and friends from across the country, but it's still not the same as having your friends and family in one room). I took it as an affirmation of all being right in my world- L.A. is now my home, motherhood is now my milieu and three kids is the perfect number for me.

Best Picture Ever. Thanks, Dave!

Top Ten Truths About Pregnancy

1. That whole nine months thing is a myth. The entire pregnancy is really 10 months (40 weeks divided by 4 = 10 months), and the last month feels like two.

2. Your body will never be the same. Your bladder will never hold urine the way it did, your stomache will never be flat again and by the time your elephant-like ankles finally stop swelling your foot will have grown at least one shoe size.

3. You will be able to smell like a bloodhound-literally. When I was pregnant I could pinpoint the exact location of all the dog pee in the neighborhood. Now I know there's a reason that humans don't ordinarily have this skill- it's DISGUSTING.

4. It's true that your face will glow. This merely highlights the pimples and dark spots you will get from all the damn hormones.

5. Morning sickness (AKA mourning sickness) lasts all day not just in the morning. Don't worry, that goes away after only three extremely long months.

6. Your body temperature will rise so much that you will actually look forward menopause hotflashes.

7. Say good-bye to your sex drive and your happy marriage- it'll be at least two years before your life is back to "normal."

8. You REALLY won't be able to stop peeing.

9. That baby weight does not just "fall off!"

10. It's not over until you've given birth, and whether you have a C-section or a natural birth, there's just NO easy way for that little bugger to come out.

Suck it, Kyle!

Backyard Terminology

To fully understand the workings of the backyard, you need to be familiar with the terminology. So in the interest of making our backyard stories clear, here are some of our more heavily used backyard terms. Think of it as a crash course in the minds of four pre-schoolers- and two grown women who have spent WAY too much time with pre-schoolers.

1. A Shelly; Noun as in "I hear a Shelly!"; A mourning dove. Marylou had a pair of them nesting on her porch which Emma named Shelly and Sheldon. Consequently, any mourning dove is now a Shelly.

2. Warm & Chubby; Noun as in "The warm & chubby is on!"; Adjective as in "I'm getting all warm & chubby"; The dryer vent at Marylou's. When it is on, the kids sit next to it and put their bare feet up to it, allowing them to get warm & chubby. We're really not sure why they get chubby, but we've decided to go with it. We've actually put quarters in the dryer for no reason other than to entertain them in this manner.

3. Toot; Noun as in "I found a toot!"; A rubber band, preferably a dirty one from the sidewalk that recently held a copy of the L.A. Times or a sales flyer from Rite-Aid. Origin TOTALLY unknown.

4. The Thick of It; Noun as in "I wanna go to the thick of it!"; A cluster of bushes in front of the apartment building at the corner of Franklin and Pennsylvania. The kids like to bushwhack their way through it like explorers and sing the "Into the Thick of It" song from The Backyardigans.

5. Little Piggy; Noun as in "I'm a little piggy!"; A child who wants to be chased will typically offer up the suggestion that they are a little piggy so that I can be the Big Bad Wolf and go after them. See Also: Time-out.

6. Time-Out; Noun; 1. A punishment as in "You have a time-out for hitting Sean." 2. An invitation to be chased wherein the child will assign him/herself a time-out, and then leap up from the time-out chair and race around the lawn, hoping to be followed and tickled.

7. Nicky; Adjective as in "No, that one's Nicky."; Small or baby-sized. Marylou's sister's youngest is named Nick, and although he is no longer the youngest or the smallest of our acquaintance, old habits die hard. Little rocks, little caterpillars, little pillbugs are all Nickys.

8. Roly-Poly Heaven; Noun as in "I found another roly-poly Heaven."; A rock pile, log, tree stump, or compost pile that houses any more than two pillbugs (commonly called roly-polies). Note: The word "Heaven" can also be added to snails, slugs, flies, praying mantises, ladybugs, and any other creature of interest when found in numbers greater than two. Owen recently found Snail Heaven right near the Thick of It, for example.

Problem of the Week 5/18: Stewart's Screaming

My two and a half year old has a big problem.

Every time things don't go his way, he screams bloody murder. It doesn't matter what the situation is- he could have his foot stuck in a chair, he could be justifiably angry at his brother, or he could just be peeved at me for telling him "no," but his reaction never varies. He always goes with ear-splitting screams.

He does not ordinarily get what he wants through screaming. I pointedly refuse to go back on any "no," particularly when he screams.

But it doesn't seem to make any difference. He gets so angry that he doesn't care whether the screaming is effective or not, it's just the only way he knows to let off steam.

How can I teach him to express his anger in a more positive way? Or, at the very least, a quieter one?
Any suggestions?

Product Review: Gotta Have My TiVo

I'll admit, I wasn't a TiVo fan from the get-go.

The DirecTV with TiVo package we got several years ago was Kyle's project, something that he desperately wanted to get and that I fought tooth and nail against.

TiVo I wrote off as expensive and useless, and the DirecTV offended me even more deeply, as it required the installation of an ugly satellite dish which now looms over my garden patio.

I fought as hard as I could, citing the problems with satellite TV (weather interference, equipment malfunction) and the cost of the TiVo.

In the end, I lost.

And I have never been happier over losing a battle in my life.

I say this completely without irony: DirecTV with TiVo is one of the greatest things in my life.

First of all, TiVo is awesome.

When I try to explain why TiVo is so awesome, non-TiVo users just blink and say, "Isn't that where you can skip the commercials?" like, "Oh, that's kinda cool, I guess...", as if THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO TIVO!

And I try to explain, with all the passion and love I can muster, that TiVo is oh so much more.

Skipping the commercials? Yes, it's great, but that's not even TiVo's number one convenience!

What about pausing live TV? How awesome is it when you have to get up and change a diaper or help a kid go potty that you can, with the touch of a button, stop time and make the final scene of American Idol wait for YOU?

Not impressed? Well, how about this. How about NEVER EVEN WATCHING LIVE TV?

Because I don't think Kyle and I have watched live TV since we got our TiVo.

We prefer the season pass option. It works like this. Any show we are interested in seeing, we look up in TiVo's directory (which is essentially a TV Guide) and choose it. We can choose to record just one episode, or get a season pass, which means that TiVo will automatically record ALL the episodes for us. You can set it to record the reruns, too, or only the first-runs. And once it's done, you NEVER HAVE TO TOUCH IT AGAIN.

Each day, you go to your list of programs, and your TiVo has magically recorded all of the things you want to watch. You never have to rush through dinner or rush the kids off to bed because one of your favorite shows is on. You never have to miss a scene of your favorite show again. You never even have to miss a scene of one of your not-so-favorite shows again. Best of all, you never have to screw with setting your VCR to record a show when you're going to be gone. BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL RECORDED FOR YOU, AUTOMATICALLY, and you can watch them ANYTIME YOU WANT.

Think about it. Can't watch ER tonight because your kid has a dance recital? No problem. TiVo's got your back. Grey's Anatomy has begun and you're still blowing out the john? No worries. Your TiVo is there for you.

You see, TiVo is so much more than just skipping commercials. It's a LIFESTYLE. It's a brave new world where YOU watch TV when YOU have time to relax and enjoy it, rather than letting network schedules run your life.

IS MY GRATUITOUS USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS GETTING THROUGH TO YOU, YET? IF YOU HAVE KIDS, YOU NEED TIVO. PERIOD.

If all of the above hasn't convinced you yet, let's talk children's programming. Let's talk about all the money you've blown in the last few years on Dora the Explorer DVDs so that your little one can watch Dora whenever she wants. But you can't just buy one DVD. No, she'll get tired of watching the same episodes over and over. You have to buy multiple DVDs featuring Dora, Blue, and SpongeBob, because God knows that when you really need the little sweetheart to sit down and shut up for five minutes, NONE of the shows she wants to watch are actually on.

Now imagine this. You have a season pass for Dora the Explorer. Another for Sesame Street. Another for Blue's Clues, and so on. Every morning at 6 am, while you are still in dreamland, your TiVo is hard at work, recording Dora when she's on and storing her so your child can unlock the magic whenever she wants.

Do you see why TiVo has changed my life? Are you starting to get it?

Now I'm sure some of you are probably thinking that I am some kind of TV junkie and that it's pathetic that I could harbor such intense feeling about some TV recording device.

"Hmph," some of you are probably clucking. "Why doesn't she try reading or playing with her kids instead of watching TV all the time and recording all those mindless shows?"

Well, cluck away, but the truth is, Kyle and I actually watch LESS TV since TiVo came into our lives and so do the kids.

The reason for this is two-fold.

The first reason is that since we are only recording the things we want to watch, we only WATCH the things we want to watch.

We don't sit around watching filler TV like we used to.

Before the kids, Kyle and I used to watch TV during dinner, but since primetime TV didn't start until 8, if we were eating at 7, we'd end up watching back to back reruns of The Simpsons or Married With Children, or something else that we'd never bother wasting time on if we had something better.

With TiVo, it's a different world. When we're ready to sit down and watch TV, we look at our TiVo list and pick a recording of a TV show we actually want to watch instead of watching an hour of filler before-hand like we used to.

When our TiVo runs out of programs, we are much more likely to pick up a magazine or a book, or do something non-TV related because we know that there's nothing else we want to watch, rather than getting sucked into stupid shows just because they're on AFTER the show we just watched.

It's the same with the kids. Instead of turning on Playhouse Disney and letting it run for two hours just so the kids can see Network Wiggles, we can TiVo Network Wiggles so they only watch the one half hour of show they actually want to see. When the program is over, the TiVo stops and they stop watching. Sometimes they ask for more episodes, and sometimes we let them and sometimes not. But it's much easier to say "No more TV" when the TV stops ITSELF than when it keeps running and tantalizing them with the next thing in the lineup.

The second reason that we end up watching less TV overall is that we never watch commercials. A thirty minute program can be watched in 22 minutes. An hour of TV, we can take down in 45. And an hour-long American Idol episode, which is often 75% filler anyway, can sometimes be jetted through in 10.

Not only do Kyle and I hardly watch commercials, but the kids are the same. They always ask Kyle and I to fast forward through them and we ordinarily comply. It's great because even though they occasionally see commercials (like when I am in the shower and let the TiVo run) and request dumb products like Zoo Pals and Baby Bottle Pops, overall the requests for such things is much less (I think) than with kids who watch commercials all the time and HAVE to have Cookie Crisp cereal or Scooby Doo fruit roll-ups.

The only negative thing about TiVo is that sometimes there are conflicts. Sometimes, there are TWO shows on that you want to watch at the same time (those CRUEL network schedulers who put Lost up against Idol should DIE).

Well, for Kyle and I, that's where the hideous satellite dish comes in. Yes, DirecTV. Because we have satellite TV, we have two tuners, which allows us to record TWO THINGS AT ONCE while we are watching a THIRD.

We have very few conflicts- only on the rare occasions when there are THREE shows we want to see at the same time- and we usually get around these by buying them online (thank God the networks have finally decided to sell TV episodes individually instead of making us buy those $70 DVD sets).

All the equipment malfunctions I predicted for DirecTV turned out to be nonexistent.

No matter what the weather has been like here in Santa Monica, we have NEVER lost the signal on our satellite dish or had to watch a program that was fuzzy.

So what are you waiting for? DirecTV is no longer partnered with TiVo, but they do have their own knock-off TiVo that they provide for customers who want it. All you need is a clear view of the Southern sky and DirecTV will do the rest (installation is part of the deal).

Trust me, if I can get used to having a satellite dish on my house, so can you.

At the very least, invest in TiVo for use with your current cable or satellite provider. Even if you are only able to record one show at a time, trust me, it's worth it.

Once you experience the convenience of life with TiVo, you will never be able to go back to watching plain old television. Most people who have TiVo treat it not as a luxury but as a necessity on par with food, water, and a working toilet. Some people even treat their TiVo units as cherished family members (our friends Dave and Connie named theirs Thomas).

So please, do yourself a favor and see what you can do to bring TiVo into your home.

Top Ten Tuesday

Top 5 Reasons I Want This Baby Out of Me

1. I want to go on a diet- my "skinny" clothes are taunting me from the closet.
2. I want my body to myself again- sure those baby kicks were fun at the beginning, but now he's huge, and getting kicked in the bladder, colon and lungs isn't quite the tickling sensation it used to be.
3. I want to be able to walk for half an hour without peeing my pants.
4. Heartburn- the makers of Tums must love me- I probably provided them with a tidy Christmas bonus this year (seriously, I go through an 80-pack in like a week).
5. I am so tired of wearing the same maternity shirts over and over again that I'd like to burn them.

Top 5 Reasons I'd Rather He Just Stayed In There

1. The C-section. Going under the knife sucks. It's scary, it's super-painful, and it takes months rather than days to recover from. I get so annoyed when people say I did it "the easy way" because I didn't go through a prolonged labor.
2. Sleep-deprivation. Sure I'm tired now, but nothing like I will be in another two months.
3. Nursing. Aching nipples, swollen boobs, and having your shirt off 90% of the time.
4. Doctor's appointments galore. Follow-up appointments for me and the baby mean trips to the hospital practically every other day.
5. I won't have the use of both arms for about another year, as baby will be occupying at least one arm at all times.

I'm the WHAT?

I don't know if this is cool or not.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

A Day Out With Thomas

Last weekend, Kyle and I drove the kids up to Fillmore, California, for "A Day Out with Thomas," a Thomas-themed railroad festival that culminated in a ride on one of their personal idols, Thomas the Tank Engine.

I have to say that the City of Fillmore and the Fillmore & Western Railway have a lot to offer for train enthusiasts young and old, but I wasn't super-impressed with the Thomas tie-ins.

The city of Fillmore, which is located at the edge of Ventura County between the city of Ventura and Santa Clarita, is a pleasant little town.

It almost reminded me of my hometown of Rochelle, IL, except that Fillmore is cradled by gorgeous mountains and surrounded by idyllic citrus groves and strawberry fields, rather than laying smack-dab in the middle of miles and miles of flat, un-picturesque corn and soybean farms that smell like manure.

The other difference is that while no one but hardcore railway fans would want to come to Rochelle and watch freight trains roll toward Chicago, the Fillmore & Western Railway, being more of a gimmick railway than a true freight line, has a lot to offer Southern California families in search of a fun day trip for their little train lovers.

The Fillmore & Western actually only exists because of Hollywood; it is an old section of the Southern Pacific Railway's Santa Paula branch that became a storage place for antique railway equipment, and is now a key destination for any film crew in Southern California that wishes to film trains.

In addition to functioning as a movie set, the Fillmore & Western Railway offers rides on antique passenger trains, dinner trains and murder mystery trains.

During our day with Thomas, we got to ride in one of the vintage railway cars at the very heel of the train and that was pretty cool. Unlike today's sleek Amtrak cars featuring "safe" windows that barely open (if at all), the windows on the old passenger cars opened all the way, allowing Owen to dangle his fingers out and wave at all the people at the train station, and all the cars stopped at the Railroad crossings.

We also spotted a mini-train out the window which a fellow passenger told us costs $2 to ride. It almost looked more fun than riding on the big trains, and I definitely plan on taking the kids there sometime.

After Thomas pulled all the passengers back to the station, we indulged in an ice cream cone at this little old-fashioned ice cream parlor right near the tracks. The ice cream was delicious and the ambience charming- the only problem was the crush of people right, left, and center.

Which brings me to the negative part of our "Day Out with Thomas-" the whole Thomas tie-in.

Granted, it was pretty cool to see Thomas gliding down the track with his eyes going back and forth, just like in the TV show, but there were so many people we hardly got a glimpse of Thomas anyway.

And riding on Thomas was a bit of a letdown. Sure, it was fun to ride the antique rail cars, but I thought that all of the seats were going to be close enough to Thomas that all the kids on the train could really SEE that Thomas was pulling us. After all, I'd been telling the kids for weeks that we were going to ride on Thomas, not that we were going for a train ride in a 100 degree passenger car about twenty train cars AWAY from Thomas.

So that was a little disappointing. I would actually have been willing to pay more for a ticket that allowed the kids to get closer to Thomas and really see him go.

Other Thomas tie-ins included free Thomas temporary tattoos, a visit with Sir Topham Hatt, and a gift shop filled with more Thomas toys than I've ever seen.

The temporary tattos were fun- I thought it was a little weird how, instead of just handing them out, they made us show our tickets in order to get the tattoos and then made us have "staffers" apply them on the kids. I mean, they're temporary tattoos, not gold.

They even punched our tickets to show that we had already received our tattoos, as if not doing so would result in a hysterical run on surplus tatts.

Not only that, but the tatts they offered were not that great. They gave the boys a choice of Henry, Elizabeth and Thomas,
which is fine and good, but as I walked around, I saw other kids
sporting Harold the Helicopter's and Percy's right and left. So where
were all the Harold's and Percy's when we were at the tattoo tent? I
mean, Elizabeth the Antique Truck???? She's in like ONE EPISODE and she
SUCKS! Get real, what kid is going to want to walk around with her plastered on his forearm?

And it was kind of weird that they insisted that the staff had to apply the tattoos. They did a very nice job and all, but again, it's a temporary tattoo, not a space probe. Hello- throw some water on there and it sticks, it doesn't require a professionally trained team.

Kyle overheard one couple arguing about the tattoos and it provided us with the day's best laugh. The wife was insisting that the staff had to apply the tattoo- she apparently bought into the whole thing- and her husband was so indignant with her that he sputtered: "I...(moment of enraged silence while reigning in his temper)... just GIVE me the damn thing!"

Kyle was cracking up.

I don't know how the visit with Sir Topham Hatt was, because it seemed like every time we were around, he wasn't. Supposedly, during our four hour day with Thomas, he was there twice, but we never caught so much as a glimse.

Kyle and I were really looking forward to seeing whether it would be a miserably hot teenager stuffed into one of those giant, fuzzy costumes (you know, like the Disney characters at Disneyland), or if they had hired a local actor- some crusty, dignified older gent to don a top hat and suit for the day.

Alas, we shall never know.

The gift shop was ENORMOUS, but it wasn't too much of a draw for me. I have two little boys and I'm about to have a third- I have enough Thomas the Tank Engine related merchandise thank you very much.

So you can see how I wasn't super impressed with all the Thomas paraphernalia. I honestly think the boys would have had just as much fun just visiting the railway and having a ride on one of the trains.

Not only that, but there would have been FAR less people than the hundreds, maybe thousands, that were packed into tiny downtown Fillmore for Thomas. I overheard someone at the ice cream stand saying that even the town's annual train festival didn't generate nearly this kind of crowd. "But, you know, it's Thomas," she explained.

Which is why I would recommend staying away from the Fillmore & Western on "Day Out with Thomas" weekends, but I would suggest a trip to Fillmore and a ride on one of its other trains as a very doable and fun day trip for kids of all ages.

It is really a fun place to visit for any child who is interested in trains, regardless of the presence of Thomas, and I'm sure you'll have much more fun taking your kids there without having to fight the kinds of crowds that turned out for the Blue Behemoth.

See pictures from the day!

Owen's Backpack: Update

Owen got angry with me this morning for taking a pair of dirty underwear off his bed and chucking them into the laundry bin.

"I need them!" he exclaimed, trying to dig them out of the laundry basket like a junkie looking for a fix.

I absolutely put my foot down and told him that he sleeps with enough stuff in his bed and I will not under any circumstances allow him to sleep with a dirty pair of underpants.

Then I went into the other room and told Kyle about it and we snickered like twelve-year-olds.

Problem of the Week 5/11: Owen's Backpack

Owen has always been one of those kids who gets attached easily.

His beloved blankie, which he used to call his "Tutti," became his nighttime necessity when he was six months old, and it happened completely by accident. Up until then, I'd been putting him down with a stiff, baby-sized quilt, but one fateful day when it was in the washing machine, I laid him down with a softer knit blanket with fringe along the edge. After only two nights it became his special Tutti.

I found out the hard way when I removed Tutti and replaced it with the fresh-from-the-dryer quilt. Baby Owen screamed for a good half-hour that night before I realized why he wasn't going to sleep. Once I brought back Tutti, he fingered the fringe lovingly and fell asleep within seconds.

Since then, I've been wary of putting things in Owen's bed. It seems like everything the kid sleeps with he is instantly attached to. He's slept with various flashlights, stuffed dogs, books, water bottles, plastic animals, legos, rubber bands, and even a pee stained towel I put on his bed one night to soak up an accident that he insisted he wanted and threw a screaming fit in order to keep. You see, all it took was one night next to that particular towel for it to become another Tutti.

Now, this was annoying enough when it was confined to his bed. But now that he is older and has discovered backpacks, I'm in a whole new world of pain.

Owen got this gigantic PowerRangers backpack for his birthday from one of his classmates. Now, he has never even seen PowerRangers- (he occasionally calls it his "Batman" backpack as he prefers SpongeBob to the superheroes beloved by school friends and doesn't really know the difference)- but he LOVES this backpack.

He fills it with all sorts of treasures- his collection of little plastic reptiles, insects and dogs (collectively referred to as his "lizards" or his "lizards and doggies"), his insect collection jar, several rubber bands (which he and Emma call "toots" for some reason that eludes Marylou and I) of varying sizes and colors, at least six stuffed dogs, his PowerRangers wallet, every dollar bill Grandma or his Aunt Liz ever sent him, some pennies and Bally's Total Fitness parking tokens he lifted from the console of the van, his stuffed "Mommy" macaw (a scarlet macaw his Aunt Joanna bought him from the zoo), some cheap toys he got at the dentist's office for sitting still, a bracelet and a broken piece of car he won at Chuck E. Cheese's, and some of Stewart's matchbox cars.

Now, that is a lot of stuff for a four year old to be hauling around, but I wouldn't mind if he'd just leave it in the closet. However, he has to DRAG IT EVERYWHERE. To school, to Ralph's, to speech therapy, to the park, to Marylou's. Anyplace we go, the backpack has to go too.

When we're at home, it's always in the middle of the floor.

And what's even worse is that it's always expanding. Now, in addition to his backpack (crammed with all the aforementioned treasures), he's rediscovered his Tutti and drags that around the house, along with a water bottle, an ever-present spotted Pound Puppy with motion sensor that whines when you walk past it, a red pair of children's gardening gloves I got him at Target, two Squish pillows (one red, one blue), several mini-jars of honey and jelly that Marylou brought him from Los Vegas last summer, and a Kleenex box into which is stuffed a pair of Ninja Turtles sunglasses.

I take any opportunity I can to trim these items down by hiding or tossing them.

And before we leave the house, I set firm limits on what things can go with him. Usually, I tell him to pick just one thing to carry with him and that he's responsible for it. Whatever he chooses, I refuse to carry it for him or remind him about it.

As far as inside the house goes, I put a special hook in the closet and put his name above it with the label maker (best gift I ever got, thank you Marylou) and told him that if he's not getting anything into or out of his backpack, it needs to stay on his special hook.

He uses the hook and consents to being limited in terms of what he can bring when he leaves the house- it helps that he left his backpack at Target a month ago and almost lost it, so I can always play the "leave it here, we don't want to lose it" card.

But I still feel like I am constantly stumbling over Owen's stuff. It seems like no sooner do I fight the battle of the backpack and get him to hang it neatly on his hook than he finds something else to latch onto and I have to fight the battle all over again.

Each item is so random and so different- it's hard for me to think of a blanket rule, like "no toys at the table" (which IS a rule at my house, but not so for little jars of honey, rubber bands, and pocket tissues, all of which seem to defy categorization).

Each one belongs someplace different and each one requires a lot of maneuvering to get back to its proper place. Owen simply doesn't want to let any of it go. He's afraid Stewie will touch it or I will do something to it (he's right- I'll throw it away, Stewart will play with it) and he wants to keep all of these treasures protected.

I want to respect and value his property, but it drives me nuts to see him fighting tooth and nail with Stewart over a dirty Kleenex or something equally stupid. Not only that but it takes the kid twenty minutes to move from one room to the next because he's always dragging so much garbage with him.

I want to teach him to be less possessive, but to still take good care of his things but I don't know how. After all, if he was less possessive, and left his toys lying around all the time for Stewart to play with, Stewart WOULD ruin them or in the case of certain "treasures" like broken jewelry from the swap meet and rubber bands, I WOULD throw them out.

I know part of the problem is that he has to share a room with Stewart and maybe he doesn't feel he has anyplace of his own that's truly safe so he has to take it all with him. Or maybe what bothers him is that he has to go to school and leave his things unguarded at home with Stewart.

I wonder if I should set up a special shelf that's out of reach, or a locking cabinet that's just for him, but I feel like I don't want to encourage that miserly streak in him- and besides, let's be honest, I don't think it would take long for Stewart to find a way to plunder Owen's safe place, making him feel even more betrayed.

And then of course, knowing Owen, he would fill his "special shelf" with such alacrity that in five minutes it would be so full of useless stuff that there would be no room for anything else and he'd end up carrying a bunch of things around with him anyway.

Help! How do I value Owen's property without encouraging him to drag it EVERYWHERE or to squirrel everything he sees away into his backpack?

MECHANICAL PENCILS = GAY

You know what I HATE? I mean, REALLY REALLY hate?

Mechanical pencils.

They are like the gayest things ever.

First of all, you cannot possibly write with them without snapping off the tip unless you limpwrist and write super light.

Second, I hate how when you push the button to extend the lead, you cannot control how much of it emerges. So either you write with an eensy little stub, or you push the button and it pushes out like an inch of lead which instantly snaps.

Third, I go through a stick of that lead through the course of one crossword puzzle- I can't imagine how many times people must refill them.

And fourth, I can't think of a fussier, more useless thing in the world than a mechanical pencil. Why mechanize it in the first place? Why not just use a perfectly serviceable actual pencil?

Seriously, just thinking about writing with a mechanical pencil puts me into a rage. My blood pressure goes up and I get hot with the memory of trying to take a standardized test with one and snapping the lead over and over while trying to fill in ovals.

GRRRRRRR, mechanical pencils. They just piss me off.

Top 5 Reasons I Hate Driving With Kids

1. EITHER: "I dropped my... (water, Matchbox car, Happymeal toy, etc. etc.)"

2. STEWART: "I want 'Open the Door!'" (Pete Townshend's "Let My Love Open the Door")

3. OWEN: "I want 'Video Killed Dee Wadio Star!'"

4. BOTH: "I wanna watch SpongeBob!" (As we're driving .5 miles to Ralph's)

5. OWEN: "I want big air!" (meaning AC at full blast)
STEWART: "No, I want it off!" Repeat ad nauseum.

Less than a Month to Go

So Kyle and I had a big talk the other day about how Baby #3 (scheduled to arrive via C-section June 1) is going to change our lives and what we can do to make things easier for ourselves.

We decided that since I will be nursing the baby full-time for at least the first few months, I will be up with the baby at night, and Kyle will get up with Owen and Stewart if they have bad dreams or need tucking in.

If the baby sleeps in, I will sleep in, while Kyle gets up with the boys and feeds them breakfast. In the event of a particularly rough night, Kyle will even get them ready for pre-school on his own.

The only other demand I had was that Kyle do something special with the boys each day where it's just the three of them.

Kyle is a very devoted father and gives most of his rare free time to me and the kids for family outings and meals. However, up until now he hasn't set aside much time to be with the kids without ME, and I know from experience that that is key when there's a new baby.

My kids, like most, cling to "Mommy" like glue, even when Dad is there, perfectly able to help them. But with a new baby, kids are even clingier!

I want them to get used to having some special Daddy time that they enjoy so that they won't resent my time and energy being taken up with the baby.

Kyle obviously understood the importance of that, because he made a special effort tonight after dinner to take the kids out on a "secret mission."

They came back with a new iPod Nano and an iTunes gift certificate for me. I was suspicious at first; this sounded an awful lot like a gift for Kyle rather than me (although he has two iPods of his own already).

But then he explained that I'd be able to put audiobooks on it to listen to while breastfeeding or in the hospital, which actually does make sense.

It is so nice to see that Kyle takes my concerns seriously, and that at least with this third baby, we will be able to resolve SOME of our problems before they begin.

There's nothing worse than trying to fight fair with your spouse when neither of you has had more than an hour of sleep in a month, you haven't had sex in forever, and you both smell like sour milk.

Sippycup

Marylou and I are now writing a blog for parents, called Sippycup.

Most of my efforts are now going to that, since this blog has become pretty Mommycentric anyway.

Some of its features are specific to the L.A. area, but we're trying to set it up so that there are a lot of general parenting tools as well.

We want it to be a place where parents can help each other by sharing their tricks, lessons, favorite books, etc., and we have it set up so that it is relatively easy to enter that information.

All you parents, please check it out and give us your feedback, even if you don't live in L.A.

Please add your profile to our "Join us!" section and then share all your helpful parenting tips and tricks.

Marylou and I are in no way claiming to be parenting experts- we are configuring this site as a community of parents who can help each other. I figure we can all learn from each other's mistakes and triumphs.

Product Review: Saturn Relay

Two weeks ago, Kyle and I officially became parents.

That's right. We sucked up our pride and bought a mini-van. Actually, leased. We can't afford to actually buy one.

Our previous ride was a chili-pepper red Saturn Vue, which we both loved. The Vue was a zippy little SUV, lots of fun to drive, with a sun-roof and plenty of rear cargo space.

However, there was no third row seating option, and when we put the infant carrier in back between Owen and Stewart, we instantly realized that there was no way were going to fit our growing family into the Vue comfortably.

So we decided to drive down to the Saturn dealership and see if we could exchange our lease on the Vue for the new Saturn Relay, a mini-van that Saturn first released for 2005.

The folks at Saturn were very helpful and after about four hours of signing on the dotted line, we drove home in a 2006 Saturn Relay 2.

So far, the Relay is fantastic. It is extremely roomy, and has all the amenities of higher priced vans like the Honda Odyssey and Toyota Sienna, although there are some drawbacks.

The 7-passenger Relay has plenty of room for our family of 5 and guests. It seats three in the back, and has two captain's seats in the middle.

The captain's seats roll up and out of the way quite easily so it's very easy for me to get the boys into the back without climbing, stretching or straining. The dual sliding doors allow me to easily snap the infant carrier in position on one side of the car while Owen and Stewart climb in on the other.

In addition, there is a large toy box between the two middle seats, which holds emergency diapers, toys and wipes so they won't take up all the floor space.

Behind the third row of seats is plenty of additional cargo room into which I easily fit three strollers, an emergency kit, a bag of park toys, and a buggy board.

In addition to the extra room, the Relay includes many of the luxuries that have previously been exclusive to high-end mini-vans like the Toyota Sienna and Chrysler Town & Country.

It has power sliding doors that open on their own with the touch of a button, very convenient when trying to get two little boys inside while holding a baby and perhaps some groceries.

The AC and heat for the front and rear are separate, with vents that close completely in case there's a baby you don't want to spray with cold air.

On the entertainment end of the spectrum, there is a DVD player for long trips (I had to make it very clear to my boys that it's ONLY for long trips), and input jacks for iPods that work for both types of media (movies or music). XM satellite radio is also available, and is free for the first month.

There's also both an AC and DC adapter in the back so you can charge your phone or laptop in the cargo area without buying one of those gay little cigarette adapter things.

As far as safety goes, our Relay came with one free year of OnStar, including 30 free handsfree minutes with the built-in OnStar phone system.

Overall, I would say that expensive models like the Town & Country don't offer much more than the Relay, except maybe leather seats and other status-related amenities- in other words, stuff the average family doesn't care much about.

One drawback to the Relay is that the LATCH child restraint system is only in available in the middle row of the seats, so if you put your kids in the back (as I do), you'll have to install the car seat the old fashioned way, with a seatbelt and plenty of elbow grease.

Another drawback is that because the Relay is a new model for Saturn, the service technicians aren't quite up to speed on all the kinks. For example, I had to drive all the way to Torrance on Monday because the "Low Oil Pressure" message kept appearing on the dashboard, only to be told after they kept the van all day that that is normal for the Relays, so long as it doesn't appear while the vehicle is in motion. The technician apologized for not telling me that from the get-go, saying that she is still "learning the Relays."

Finally, driving the Relay is kind of a strange driving experience. It is totally smooth and quiet inside. We never open the windows because the middle ones don't open and the back ones only crack, so it is always too hot to do anything but the AC. There are cupholders everywhere, and the boys are always asking me to put on The Backyardigans or SpongeBob.

I sort of miss bumping around in the Vue with all of the windows down and the sunroof open, the White Stripes blaring on the stereo, the boys putting their fingers up to the windows to feel the fresh air, hearing the sounds of trucks, sirens, horns, traffic, people. I like how the boys were always pointing stuff out to me- "a doggy!" "a cement mixer!" Now they are so far back from me in their little air-conditioned cocoon that I have to shout to ask Owen how his school day was.

Now, I'm not going to lie. There are a lot of GREAT things about having an entire row of seats separating you from your 2 and 4 year-olds, but in some ways I miss being close to them and having that good old experience of driving on the L.A. freeway on a hot, sunny day with the wind blowing in your hair, and no entertainment options except to look out the window and simply enjoy being in motion.

But the reality is, when you've got three kids, you just don't have room to do it any other way. You've GOT to have the mini-van, and I'm convinced that Kyle and I got a great one for a much lower price than the others out there.